i can't believe i had my finger in that
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
