Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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