So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
