we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
