Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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