lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
