OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
