Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
