Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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