Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
