so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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