we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
