do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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