his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
