yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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