Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
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I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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