i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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