Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My cat gives me a boner
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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