Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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