Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
pray to the hookup gods
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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