How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
