omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
