Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
