Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's always time for handjobs
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
