just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
