i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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