Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
