the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
