You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
