4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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