none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
