dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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