Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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