Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
