it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
