Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
