Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
