After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize