community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
