i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
