I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the day after is always just damage control
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
