apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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