Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
