I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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