Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
