If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
