there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
