there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
