I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
