hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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