I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
