I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
