so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
