I'm going to jail i love you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
