Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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