If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
