Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
