Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
