I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
