Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
