he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
