Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
