sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
