dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
