people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
are you so shy because you have an std?
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
