Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
