Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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