69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
