i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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