if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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