If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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