remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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