dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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